I am New? I am New!
For a long time now, since high school, I thought I understood the concept of being a new creation in Christ. But recently, I discovered a part of me which has shocked me. It’s something that has utterly not be made new; or at least been completely restored.
To put it in it’s simplest form, it is Fear. But, to be more specific, it is fear of who I am, fear of my gifts, fear of girls, fear of relationships, fear of vulnerability, fear of making mistakes, fear of being called a fool. I am afraid of myself. I’m afraid my personality, my gifts, my talents annoys others and should be minimized. In return, I almost make others–especially any girl I may be interested in–into a person to be afraid of. I am afraid of what may happen if I get into a relationship. I am afraid she will take my mind, my heart, and my body. I afraid I won’t be what she wants.
In times of opportunity, these fears has led me to choose timidity and unassertiveness instead of faith and bravery. At 27 years old, I now look back and can see many opportunities passed. I use to excuse them as just not being “God’s will,” for me. But, I believe it was just a mask for the cowardly.
Because of this, I wrote this letter to myself yesterday. Now I feel this is what being “new” really means to me. It actually seems real now.
I am a New Creation
As of Sept. 7, 2015 A new Kyle has appeared. I no longer am what I use to be; unassertive; timid about gifts, girls/relationships, and money, music, and art; making money, advertising, marketing. That use to be me, but no longer. Today, with humility as the key ingredient, I accept who I am, and I am now assertive, risk taking, full of faith and not fear, not fearing failure but conquering it, trampling it, defeating it, cutting it in two, hanging it from a poll, and have it flesh devoured by the birds of the air in ultimate humiliation; because fear is the thing that I can be merciless with. I would never desire that for a human, but fear is a devil and it cannot be messed around with. I accept that God has created me a musician, a singer, a dulcimer player, a piano player, a composer, an artist, a designer, a friend, a surfer, a lover, a passionate boyfriend, a passionate husband, a passionate father…
I feel The spirit it saying, “now!” “Now is the time. GO Kyle. Run and Fly. Now, do not miss it. Run, Run, Run. Show your self to the world. To the people. To be a light and Salt in Jesus name. To love all, with truth. Go, you are free now. Go. Write the music. Create the art. Write the stories, write history.